i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
