I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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