i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
