The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
