Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
