my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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