Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
