We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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