You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
