Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
