Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
