i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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