I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he shaved USA in his pubs
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
