That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
