Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
