whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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