problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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