I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
