I wannas sexs uuuuu
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
