see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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