i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
