don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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