new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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