He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
