How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
