So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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