he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
