First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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