i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
