i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
