So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
