So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Less talking, more tequila
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
