Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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