He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
