So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
