I faked an abortion last night.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
