So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
