does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
