hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
