This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
