Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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