a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
