We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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