Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
