Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
