we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
