R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
