I've blown a few things in my day
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
