Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
