Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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