Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
