There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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