Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
